Count my Blessings

Why do we need a special day to give thanks? I love a day committed to food with friends and family; but why can that not be every day? Why should we feel the need to rush around in a baking frenzy to be thankful for our daily blessings?

I feel overwhelmed with blessings. It will take much more than one day for me to count them all. I plan on spending the next year or so.



Just some cuties I found outside on Thanksgiving day.

The Duality of Motherhood

My kids are growing up. There was a time not too long ago in the not so far away world that is mine, when I actually wanted this to happen- was urging it on even. I now have a five year old, a three year old, and a one year old. My babies are not babies anymore. I sat just last week, begging them to grow up. In my head that just meant that we could play more and wipe bums less. It doesn't work that way.

Seth is such a big boy. He talks to me(in Spanish and English) really talks about how he sees the world, what makes sense to him and what leaves him wondering. He tells me plans and ideas about the future. I have come to depend on him so much for help: deciphering confrontations with other children that ended in tears and possibly bloodshed, to get things picked up and put away, to "watch" the babies while I hurry right back. Is he supposed to be so responsible? So mature? So self-sacrificing? I only know that my first born is growing up so fast- it will only get faster still.

Owen has battled from the beginning. He was born battling a shriveled, wasted kidney for his very life. He grew to battle each of us in turn. A tad bit obstinate, we knew that if we asked him to go one way- he would run in the other. I have held this little boy wondering where he got so much strength, endurance, and will. He has held out for nearly four years- refusing to use the toilet. I have yelled, cried, and washed everything we own in bleach. And then the other day, after I gave up and did what I said I would never do (buy pull-ups), he does it. He goes in the toilet now without a fight or fuss every time, day or night. And as much as I want to shout HALLELUJAH!, part of me wants to cry that my little baby is no longer little. He will now grow up even faster.

My youngest, Lucy was born with rocket boosters. The biggest, the loudest, and fastest of the three- she has almost shed her babyhood already. How is it that this little angelic girl is already the master of the house? It is impossible to look into her big blues and not see the teenager, or mother in her future. I celebrate her and miss her at the same time. But she is a baby no more.

I would have never guessed that it would be so gut wrenching to watch your children grow. And though I am with them every step of the way, I see them moving increasingly farther away from me. My greatest prayer and greatest dread is that they will leave me and be their own person. This duality of motherhood: the pride and pain, should really be included in the manual (Not that I would have read it or had any concept of its truthfulness.)

This time is so very hard- when they are young and so dependent. But I wish that I could stay here forever.

What Pet Next?

My boys have become big animal activists. I think I am responsible because I encourage them to check out animal nonfiction books at the library (though Diego has some influence too). At the end of every one; there is a plea to help the Bengal Tiger, or Great White Shark, or Big fat killer snake. My boys are taken in- hook, line, and sinker. "Mom we have to save the marsupials!" (Seth's eyes were wide and about to spill over with concern.)

The latest and longest lasting worry for my five year old is the Manatee. This gentle Sea Cow has stolen his heart. He wants to find a Manatee in need and provide it a home for Christmas. Our friend has a new pool, and Seth is convinced that her family NEEDS a manatee for Christmas. It was the only comfort he could find to go to sleep: imagining that his new pet would be happy for the holidays.

*Note: Manatees can be as long as 13 feet, and weigh as much as 3500 pounds. What backyard pool can support a beast of this size? Not to mention the intake and output. We may need to find a solution- the happiness of a very sincere five year old is at stake...and an entire endangered species.

Friendship

I have the most amazing friend. I have a few, actually. People who see a need and fill it. People who love me for who I am. Truly amazing women. One particular friend really came through last week. I was throwing this big birthday party for my son, and it got a bit out of hand,(not most capable hands, just my "I don't do party" hands), and I was going a bit Out Of Control. When the panic sets in- it tends to take over and I keep revving in neutral: lots of noise and energy but stuck in one spot. I call my friend; spill out my list of all my worries; and she shows up at my doorstep. Without any preamble or excuses she comes and rescues me. Nothing fancy, just an honest friend who is not afraid to see the underbelly of my house. She scrubbed, and organized, and cooked, and tended kids, and even brought along her sister to help. She cleaned my laundry room that has not been cleaned since we moved in:TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO! (sad but true)
The party turned out really good- fifty or so people, fed and entertained. I will post pictures when I recoup. I am so very grateful for friends. I could not function without them. I just hope I can be like them. Thank you Linzie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just me

I have blogged every day this week- but they all come out way to whiny and personal that they remain in the draft box. I am a worrier by nature, and I can't seem to get all the anxiety out of me lately (no matter how much medication I use). But I am blessed with beautiful children and a super hero for a husband so I really can't complain. I just wish sometimes that I was more than just me.

There's a Snake in my boot

I live out in the country, in a little country house; I should have been prepared. We have had a menagerie of visitors in the two years we've lived here; I should have seen it coming. Possums, armadillos, gigantic spiders, crawdad communities, water fowl (a heron lived here for 10 days), snapping turtles, frog and toad and their amphibian villages. Why did I not know that inevitably the next would be a snake? I look outside my window, and there it is dangling from the top (how do they do that?) and stalking the innocent little tree frog below him. My boys are in a trance with eyes glued on the animal planet moment. They loved every minute. The hunt, the strike, the feast. I am surrounded by barbarians! It was sick!... and kind of cool.

My Very Own Sweet Potato

 

Ten years ago I would have only thought "Gross!". Today- I think: Beautiful. My life is very very good.

I'm going down!

Many moons ago, my husband and I discovered the peace that comes from not having television in the house. We decided against an antenna, cable, or anything that would give us back that distraction. It's been maybe 6 years now- we read more, we talk more, and our kids are safe from commercials. We have videos for them, but it's all pretty censored.
I have now discovered the Internet. We were using dial-up for so long that there was never a temptation. Now... Well I can't stop myself. I go to the network site and watch the shows that I have missed. I am delighted with it- and disgusted with myself. I only watch when everyone is sleeping. I feel dirty. Here of some of my favorites:




So I guess it's safe to throw all my moralistic self-righteous opinions out the window. I'm just like everybody else. I watch TV and I'm proud of it (just don't tell anybody.)

Cute as a Bug!

Here are some pictures of my little Lady Lou. She wasn't a big fan of the mess (wouldn't get near it). I think that means that she will proceed through life with prudence and caution. Even though all her cousins were trying to teach her how to eat it- she did not give in to the peer pressure. It may be a bit much to read into a one year old birthday cake ritual- but moms are allowed. A beautiful cake for a beautiful girl. Thank you Xiomara! This cake was perfect for table-top-diving. (not that you did any) Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Duck and Cover

Let me be sure all who are reading fully understand: I adore my family. I love each one of them. I love their laughter, their little bodies, their infectious smiles. However...
I find today, as the mist is clearing to reveal another humid, icky day, that I am..
officially wanting to Hide. I was once asked why I am always engaged in a book or three, watching movies whenever I can spare a moment, and continually seeking conversations with others. Aside from the obvious expansion on my mind; I find that I crave escape. I want to run from the doldrums that are mommydom. As I change the third pair of underwear before 8am on my potty training experiment gone awry, I just want to throw everything in the trash and catch a matinee. No one said this was easy- duh. But today is definitely calling for a substitute. There isn't one and nap time will come in approximately four hours, so there is hope on the horizon.
Just a little vent session for anyone who cares to sympathize. We all have days like today. It my turn.
No picture necessary- please use your imagination.

She's One!

Twelve months ago, at 12:30 Saturday Morning, September 23, Our little Lucy was born. I can't believe that my baby is so big. We didn't really think we were ready for the third child, and a girl at that. Yet life is so much better with you in it, Lu. Your brothers both completely adore you. Everything from your smiles to spit up fascinates them. We love to watch you discover the world around you- even if that means that you're less anxious for us to hold you. It is just so much fun to make you laugh. Your first year has gone by much too quickly; but we're so excited to see what you do next! We love you Lulu!

Everything's bigger in Texas

Minding my own business, I casually go to check the mail. I'm thinking peaceful thoughts about the beauty of our world and respecting all of the Lord's creations, when I almost walk directly into THIS! It's as big as my face, and suspended on my porch. The boys of my household (big and little) were fascinated. Especially by the bug wrapped and ready for take out. I love nature- I really do. But I have my limits!

In the Blink of an Eye

We all hear stories about awful things that happen to children when the guardian just "took their "eyes of for one second...". I'll sometimes come home to my husband and the children in utter chaos and think "what were you doing?" After nearly five years of being a mother, you would think that I would realize that anything can happen, and usually happens at the very worst times.

This morning, I had the baby down, the oldest getting ready for school, and the middle one engaged in a computer game. I figured I had a good 30 minutes to get something done. So I started to reorganize my closed. (smacking head) Stupid, Stupid! Right as everything is extracted and it looks like my closet vomited all over the bedroom; lightning strikes.

At the exact same instant: my oldest drops the cell phone in the toilet (before flushing), the next one acts like a puppy and poops all over my living room floor, and my youngest dives out of her crib. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Everyone is crying, the phone is combusting, the stool is stinking- I thought for sure that I was done for. Usually, deep breaths can help restore calm to my panicked world- but the stench was too overpowering.

Just goes to show, that inevitably, without preamble, you blink and it all breaks loose. We have restored calm and a lovely meadows and rain scent. Maybe I've learned to stay on guard- but probably not.

My Hummingbird

At the beginning of summer, I begged my husband for a hummingbird feeder. "Do we even have hummingbirds by our house?" He questioned. "No- because we have no feeder." I replied. My classic red plastic feeder with the pseudo flowers was promptly filled and hung outside our big kitchen window. Here we could get a perfect view. For two months it sat. Nothing. Then one day I noticed mold growing inside. I washed it out and filled it and hung it again. For two more months it sat. I did notice a leak of some sort, that made a lovely sugary, scarlet pool on my porch; that screamed to the entire ant population, who came and bit our innocent little toes. I have given up on my precious feeder, and let the mildew take over, watching the empty orb swing in the breeze.

Then today, through a hazy heat, I see a single hummingbird hover near the feeder. His attempts to feed were fruitless, as there was no nectar for him. I watched painfully as he flew away.

I think this is a very clear allusion to my life. Don't let me depress you, that is not my intention. But rather my own introspection. No matter how much energy I exert to create my perfect world, the bird will come and go as he pleases.

I'm a Muse- just like in Xanadu!

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller! In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart. You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts. At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do. You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

Bubble Toes

There's too many kids in this tub.
There's too many elbows to scrub.
I just washed a behind
That I'm sure wasn't mine,
There's too many kids in this tub.
-Shel Silverstein

Through the Looking Glass

As my son and I were praying this morning he said something that struck me. "Please help me be big like Papa and not little like me."

My husband (Papa) is 6'2", dark skinned, with a fantastic collection of curls. I, on the other hand am the opposite: short, round, and fair, with strait as a board hair. I have been know to say that these physical features were the reasons that I chose mi esposo; but that somehow my children ended up looking just like me (mock seriousness).

My four year old is already aware of what he isn't. He is already praying for alterations in his appearance. Maybe his comment is sweet, and a reflection of natural observances; a desire to emulate his father. But maybe it isn't. I listen to myself and my friends regularly critique ourselves. I know the state of my self esteem is kind of like pudding; a veil coating of strength, but easily punctured and oozy (though very tasty:)). But have I passed on that self depreciation on to my son, and eventually my other children? How do we instill esteem into people? I don't know if an adult's esteem can be altered. Though I'd like to be wrong- it doesn't appear that anything will change the deep down honest opinion of ourselves (or maybe just my opinion of myself). But I desperately want my children to be equipped with the shield of high self esteem- to know with out a doubt of their worth.

My childhood memories are seared with words that shaped my self worth. Said in innocence, a parent or teacher can easily pigeon-hole a child with a single phrase. "Your best feature is your lips", "You're a homebody like me", "Some people are not coordinated enough for sports" In my young mind, these comments were twisted into absolute truths of degradation. I believed that nothing was pretty about me except my lips. That I must not like to ever be social, and to never try to dance or play sports because I lacked the coordination. The intention was innocent- the result was my personal pudding.

So a question to the blogging community at large: How can I give my children high self-esteem? How can I make them not hate to look in the mirror? How can I help them believe that they are perfect as they are? (obvious personal growth excepted)

I look Good!

Which Twilight novel character are you?

You're Bella Swan - You are intelligent and kind but not quite sure what you want out of life yet. You have a feeling there's something more out there for you. You're attracted to those who are real and avoid the fake. Sometimes you're a bit accident prone, but your true friends will always be loyal to you and come to your aid when you need it.
Take this quiz!








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In reality I am shaped like a skittle (small and round) with strawberry hair. But maybe I should go for this new look.

And so it begins....

Life has officially began again. Being educators; your world revolves around the school year. Now with both Papa and Incognito in school, we are busy. I really didn't think he would enjoy school so much. I expected a battle every day. No frown in sight. This kid just loves being BIG! Supernan is not very impressed with being left each day- but loves to have brother home; on the bus no less. It's a bit difficult for mom.
Since he's in a Spanish program, all the paperwork is in Spanish. He was so sad that he didn't get a star on his folder because I didn't sign it- but I didn't know that I was supposed to sign it because I can't read Spanish! I guess it's official: I must learn Spanish. I know you are saying, Duh- the rest of your family speaks Spanish- it's about time you learn it too. Well I didn't know when we signed up for Pre-K that I was going to school too. Yet here I am studying Spanish daily. We are all ready to expand our brains.

Funny Face

She is just SO CUTE!! We're all preping for her first birthday next month. My baby's growing up and we are loving every minute of it.

Let's Go Fly A Kite!

The boys just love to fly kites. Never boring. Always windy. What a perfect way to spend the afternoon.

Training Triumph!

He did it- FINALLY! My middle child has resisted the potty training for ages. Everyone said "just wait till he's three" "He'll tell you when he's ready". I found this advice to be true for other's- but not Mr. Oblivious. He's 3 1/2 and doesn't care a flying fig how full and disgusting his diaper is. So out of desperation, today became a naked day. Not me- thank you very much- naked boys (my boys must do everything in tandem). Big brother is a potty professional and loved the teacher role. To hear the words " look- it does tricks!" and "I like to hold it like this and then give it a little shake" coming from my four year old with the rapt attention of little brother; was a bit disconcerting.

We set the timer every ten minutes, spending at least ten in the Lu having a potty party. My champion bladder builder held out through the morning with me pouring all liquids down his trap. And then all by himself- he did it! Success! It was a huge break through. Now he knows he can do it and he even wants to. This is still day one- but I am not putting another diaper on him. We are going all the way!

The Next Stage

Tonight we went to Parent/Teacher orientation for my little man's first year at school. It may only be Pre-K, but this may be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do (aside from obstaining from desserts-part of my new rediculous and overrated diet plan). Truly, I look at my 4 year old and want to weep because I know that he had already started on his path that leads him far far away from me. Part of me wants to lock the doors and keep him just for me forever. The other part realizes how much I needed to leave the world of my childhood to find who I realy was.

Yes, I know it is only Pre-K. Only 1/2 of the day. Even at the same school as his dad is teaching. But it is the beginning of the next stage. He is entering a world apart from the one I have created for him; where I can't shield him from all influences deemed unworthy. I guess I just don't want him to grow up. I'm not quite ready for the next stage.

It is a completely spanish class (he really is the only caucasion!) and that will help him to build on his already amazing language skills. His Papa is oh so proud. It will be pretty neat to watch him grow. But I stil wish I could put a lid on him and save him for later. Unfortunately, my precious boy will not keep.

xanadu (long version)

Why do I love it so? But love it I do

A day in the life of US

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Anybody Out There?

I realize that my blog has only existed for 24 hours- but come on people! Am I writing for my own amusement? We are not amused. I had hoped to wake this morning, log on, and find that I have a host of admirers, well wishers, and sympathizers. And what did I find? The same that was there when I went to bed. Pathetic. I think I'll delete the whole thing. I need comments fast or so help me....I'll do something drastic...maybe I'll eat cake for breakfast. Yeah. That'll show all you nonresposive, self-involved, "I've got a life" ers. Cake will fix everything.

The Vacation is officially OVER!

So I just unpacked the last suitcase. Yes, we have now been home from our 3week tour of the United States (or maybe just New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, and Idaho- that's most...) for 3 weeks. I don't think the trip ends until all the baggage is stowed away. So our trip really lasted a month and a half. Not bad. Some moms are organized people who enjoy clean clothes and are even able to locate what they are looking for. I find that I crave the excitement of never knowing where anything is; of creating new outfits based on what is currently not on the floor. It narrows your options and keeps the adrenaline flowing when you're ten minutes late to church and only 1/4 of you are dressed. This form of organization is something I like to call "manic managing". We all have moments- mine just last a lifetime, or until all the clothes are clean and folded.

We're Here!

It was a long time coming- but we have finally made it to the wide, scary world of cyber space. Here's a picture of the boys with their Great Grandma J. It was taken just after Grandma let them touch her hair. Hee Hee.

My Little Lady Lou

I have been so very blessed. My boys make me laugh till I cry. They are silly and smart and dangerously curious. My little girl is just breathtaking. How is it that she can be so sweet. I think she has cast a spell over us all. Even the rowdy ones are thrilled by her every squeak. They have even taught her to growl. Yes, my little lovely will let loose a guttural growl completely at odds with her visage. When ever she smiles (approximately 176 times a day) I am reminded that life is a wonderful thing.